Crazy Dreams

30 07 2010

I had the two most incredibly bizarre dreams the other night and I actually wrote them down and am just now getting around to editing that writing. I guess you could actually technically call it three or even four (maybe five) dreams if you went by overall theme, but they blended so seamlessly into each other that I can only really call it two. It probably would’ve been just one really long dream except I work up after the second episode of dream one.

I usually never remember dreams and all of these stuck with me. They were pretty bonkers. I had pork roast for dinner the night before, so I don’t think that could’ve been the culprit, but who knows. Was just my crazy REM night.

Dream One

My Venus looked a lot like this one, but imagine it glowier and greener.

Setting: White, two-story house with a living room open to the roof and a stairway above. I don’t know where this place was, though it looked a lot like one of the houses that Holley had showed me while going through her house-hunting websites.

Episode One – “Venus in the Night Sky”

The dream begins with me sitting on the couch with Juliana next to me. One minute the ceiling is there and the next it’s not and this is completely normal and okay, because what’s happening is an astronomical phenomenon like none we’ve ever seen. The orbits of Earth and Venus have shifted bringing the two planets extremely close to each other and Venus hangs in the otherwise very pretty and clear night sky, which as I mentioned before, we’re viewing from our living room couch. The planet was this odd green-glowy and fiery thing with red polar caps and much, much larger than the moon (I think the appearance at least was a little Starcraft inspired). It was pretty amazing to look at and nobody cold explain why it had happened nor did they seem to predict that it would happen. It just suddenly was. Juliana was really amazed by it and we started taking pictures of it.

Segue: In one of the pictures, we caught part of the second floor of the house in addition to Venus. A houseplant from the railing above in the photo that looked like a schnauzer looking down from the second floor into the living room, with the leaves resembling pointy ears and a few dark spots where the eyes would be.

Episode Two – “Pirate Returns”

For background, it’s important to know that recently our dog Pirate died at the age of 15 a few weeks ago on July 8th just before we moved and is still conspicuously absent. The houseplant in the dream was suddenly no longer a houseplant, but was Pirate returned to life. We went upstairs and greeted him and he was not only alive again, but he was not the decrepit old dog that was was in the last years of his life, rather he was fully restored to his youthful exuberance. All of the health problems like those in his mouth were gone and he was aware and happy. Even though he was never especially kind to Juliana when she was a baby, they suddenly hit it off and we were all extremely happy that Venus had somehow brought Pirate back to us via a houseplant.

I woke up disappointed and missing Pirate. I probably lay there an hour before falling back asleep after spending so time just remembering Pirate when he was younger. Clearly, I’m still mourning the loss. No idea where Venus came from, though as I said, I suspect Starcraft had something to do with it.

The much younger me idolized Tommy Lee, but that was a long time ago. But I did have a drum set in the downstairs of that house, so that's the closest and most obvious connection.

Dream Two

Setting: 3 White Fox Cove, Jacksonville, Arkansas: my childhood home where I lived from age 3 to 15.

Episode One – “Shooting Tommy Lee’s Birdhouse”

I was back in my house where I grew up and there was a little area between the yards of two of the neighboring homes where you could run between the fenced-in backyards and get all the way to the street. I was sitting there with some kid I didn’t know but who presumably lived in the house now and it was understood that I was visiting the place where I grew up. For some reason, I had an air rifle and was shooting outside and showing off to the kid. For kicks, I decided to shoot the birdhouse in the next yard which was owned not by the police officer who lived there when I was about 10 years old, but rather was now occupied by none other than Tommy Lee, the former drummer of Mötley Crüe. Unfortunately, I killed a bird doing this and that angered Tommy Lee, who began to chase after me, but somehow I managed to escape.

Segue: While avoiding Tommy Lee, I return to the house, but never make it all the way inside.

Episode Two – “Bears”

I get as far as the entry hallway of the house when a woman comes out walking a baby brown bear on a leash. Somehow, I secretly knew that the baby bear was really Pirate again, but that fact was hidden to everyone else and seemed not to matter beyond just my knowing it. Suddenly, an angry adult bear and a slightly smaller, but still much-larger-than-the-baby-bear bear comes and attacks everyone after seeing the little bear, Pirate, on the leash. Everyone erupts into panic, running around screaming while the largest bear heads straight for me. Someone asks me if I know what to do in case of a bear attack and when I reply that I don’t, he yells for me to stand perfectly still, put my arms at my sides and act like a tree. I comply, because, really, that’s all I’ve got and I don’t know how to handle bears anyway. The big bear, instead of mauling me, just hugs me and stands there, not eating me. He doesn’t even squeeze that hard. It seems that in acting like a tree, I made it very easy for the bear to just hug, so that’s what bears do. Given the choice between eating an uncooperative subject and hugging a cooperative, bears will always, without fail, choose the latter. In fact, I had the feeling that the bears totally knew that I was a human and not a tree and they were all fine with the idea provided we all just kept up the ruse.

After a few minutes of rather dull hugging,  the smaller bear gets jealous and actually starts talking about how it’s his turn to get to hug “the tree.” At first, the larger bear protests, but then gives in and lets the smaller bear hug me. The problem, however, is that he’s a bit too small for me and I end up carrying the little bear around and we all start laughing. Yes, the bears laughed, too and all seemed to be forgiven and we were just happy and giggly with bears, though the game appeared to be over.

Segue: As we lay there, we’re suddenly in the driveway sitting and laughing.

I like your movies, dude. Where you came from in this dream, though, I have no idea.

Episode Three – “Mutual Respect”

After a moment of laughing and rolling around on the ground, I notice that we are next to one of those old wood-paneled Clark Griswoldesque station wagons. My mom used to drive one when I was very young. I glance back at the bears and they suddenly but completely naturally transform and reveal themselves to be Will Smith and his son, Jaden. I tell Will that I always really liked his movies and think he’s an awesome guy and then I apologize to Jaden for not having seen the new Karate Kid yet, but I’m delighted he’s growing up so fast and following in his mom and dad’s footsteps.

They also tell me that I’m one heck of a guy, too and that seemed to be just what I needed to hear. Especially from Will Smith, who seems to be a pretty neat guy himself.

At this point I woke up and it was about 6 am.

At first, I didn’t realize how funny the last two episodes were until I told Holley about them, when I had trouble actually making it through the whole telling without laughing myself to tears. At some point, there’s got to be some Freudian thing going on with the bears and Will Smith and Tommy Lee, but I’m much too close to it still to be able to make heads or tails of it. It can’t possibly all be the pork roast, could it?

Photo credits: Venus from Sunday Mercury; Tommy Lee from Rock and Roll Report; Will and Jaden Smith from Hip Hop UCiT